Apparently you can't shame someone into agreeing with you

A conversation with common decency expert Colleen Doyle Bryant and embodiment coach Jenna Slaughter on The Unlearning Podcast

Shame and Common Decency- author Colleen Doyle Bryant and embodiment coach Jenna Slaughter talk about finding common ground on The Unlearning Podcast

Today, some people are using shame to try to change others' behavior, but shame does more to drive people apart than it does to bring them together.

Join Jenna Slaughter, an embodiment coach who encourages healing in the LGBTQ+ community, and common decency expert Colleen Doyle Bryant as they talk about how shame actually increases the divides between people. Learn more about shared human values and how we can find common ground in these divided times on this episode of The Unlearning Podcast.

Shame is someone making this moral judgment of you that doesn’t say there’s something wrong with what you did, it’s something wrong with who you are.

Colleen Doyle Bryant

The way people react to shame is to feel powerless... to feel small, it can make them feel defensive... Coming from a place of fear,… people will turn away… and they’ll turn to other people who will say, “You don’t need to be ashamed. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

If you want to get people to change their minds, you don’t attack them in such a way that they want to turn away from you toward people who will reassure them that there’s nothing wrong with them. It fosters more divisiveness. It doesn’t pull people together.

Colleen Doyle Bryant

Listen to the full podcast

Apparently you can't shame someone into agreeing with you, here's why, Episode 8 of The Unlearning Podcast with Jenna Slaughter, Featuring author Colleen Doyle Bryant Listen Now

Learn more about common decency, shared values, and ways we can bridge our divides in Colleen's book, Rooted in Decency.

Author Colleen Doyle Bryant
Colleen Doyle Bryant is the author of five books and more than 50 learning resources about character and values for kids, teens, and adults. Her latest book, Rooted in Decency, looks at the decline in common decency in society and ways that we can build more trust and cooperation. Learn more at

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